Listen my first love was, and always will be, Whole Foods 365 brand roasted chipotle salsa.

But then they stopped carrying it for a while and then it when it came back it didn’t taste the same any more, and I cried and cried and didn’t leave my house for like nine months.

That was because of the coronavirus. But also I was sad about the salsa.

This is the only salsa I’ve had since then that holds a candle, and I love it dearly.

Its flavor is good and roasty and toasty. Its color? Green. Its consistency is more like a green chili. It is my new boyfriend.